Crammed and squished against the wall of my favorite cafe, listening to What about us by P!nk to avoid hearing the 2 women next to me talking about their hair, pretending their life is interesting enough to blab about it, laughing and sipping their tea and hot chocolate in between awkward silences. The snow outside has melt again, thankfully, as I wasn’t ready to face the shenanigans once more.
“What about us?” P!nk asks.
If there is one thing that has been constant in my ever changing life is my ambition; for decades I was made to believe that wanting more, searching for something extra, was a bad trait that I had to eradicate because it would have led me to become evil. While obliging to those external forces I was depriving my inner-self from the excitement of the “discovery” and the curiosity of the new – that always fascinated me- gladly, one day all of this pretending ceased and I finally broke free from the true abuse I was entrenched within. Happy endings don’t exist, because happiness is just one shade of the spectrum of human identity, go and get your treasure even if that means accepting you are the dragon and not the knight.
Now that every step that I make is a free choice, I’m finally managing to explore my ambitions. The peace I feel now everyday in my head, in my being, is the most powerful sensation I ever felt since I was born. I don’t know what love, happiness, truly mean as I never “felt” in love or “happy” or understood; what I am certain instead is the meaning of peace and ambition, and in my case the two go together and they depend from each other, these are the terms which my choices are based on. Being an ambitious person doesn’t make you better or worse than anyone else.
Being ambitious -to me- means having an inner driving force that leads you to try, to dedicate yourself to what your vision is, accepting a no as an answer and find another road to explore and proceed in every possible way that allows you to keep your inner peace.
You might not agree, believe that this will just drive you towards a ruthless life, yet here I am, standing tall, facing monsters bigger than Godzilla and living instead of surviving. Ambition doesn’t mean being a douche-bag, but rather being honest and fair with your potentials. I stopped playing the nursing game, trying to save other people’ soul. I do what I can do, but I won’t pretend, neither lie to my self, believing I’m not doing so to feel better about myself. So yes, I help when I can, honestly and gladly, but I’m not buying anymore in the “good vs bad”challenge. We are all bad, and we are all good, let’s at least be honest with ourselves, being able to appreciate each other strengths even if we are not friends or ever be able to be in the same room for 10 mins.
Life is too short to spend it dreaming about sunny days when you can potentially move to another place and bake in the sun all day.
Life is too short to pretend you like someone, when you can’t stand their presence, but still you can be impressed by their skills.
Life is too short to be the “good” guy because you are scared of opinions. You can be a nice person and still own your shit, even facing other’s disapproval.
Life is too short to sabotage your inner self by believing that being ambitious is bad. Guess what: whoever says that is just jealous or scared. Afraid to loose you maybe, jealous of the success you might reach, scared of what they will become if you reach your aspirations. Whatever the reason might be: it’s their shit, not yours, so stop taking it in and leave it to them to deal with. If they can’t deal with detachment, greed or envy it is not your prerogative to solve their issues, it’s theirs and theirs alone. We can’t live for others, we can only live for ourselves.
Keep you peace and drive forward, be honest and open to accept others potential as yours, if you want to be the next superstar, president, singer or whoever, go on and get there, I’m with you. Accept failures as you would accept a victory. Life is too short.
Lots of love 💙