I finally made myself sit down and write.
I am currently in a Waterstones in Glasgow, with hideous cheap headphones on, which I truly despise but I am a student now, and I can finally justify my frugal life.
For those who don't know it, I have moved back to Scotland, to study Contemporary Performance Practice at the Royal Conservatoire, before bombing you with all the details I wanted to share a few thoughts.
First of all, my experience in Melbourne has proven to be insightful and delightful for multiple reasons. In the days spent there I found the strength to reconnect with the introverted side of myself that was buried deep under years of conditioning.
I consciously gave myself a chance to be alone, unbothered by a latent FOMO; a chance to not worry about connecting with strangers, prove my presence to them or making friends. This new found egocentric routine, blessed me with an even richer sense of satisfaction, almost like I have descended further into the ground and rooted myself into understanding.
It also allowed me to cut out the noise and cultivate those seeds that life presented me, seeds in form or relationships and project that are now safely stored within me and are growing to their own pace.
Speaking of which, I would like to spend a few words thanking those that really showed me their care in Melbourne, newly found humans that I can call friends. I got to experience further shades of true kindness and unconditional love.
I am truly grateful for the time you invested with me, knowing that it was temporary you still wanted to embrace my presence. We treasured small things together, we treasured adventures and places. We treasured moments and conversations that are now fully assimilated in my core and changed me forever. You know who you are, so thank you.
Melbourne was also a milestone for my practice (how I hate using this phrase!), I had my very first solo exhibition allowing DIS-CONNECTED to embody its full glory and potential, something that I only wished for and finally achieved, not only that but also obtaining the funding necessary to perform at the Bowery Theatre. Seeing this work flapping its wings in the sun gave me a boost of confidence in my performing practices and consolidate some of the funding grounds onto which I can carry on building.
I've also recently celebrated my third year of freedom from a apocalyptic and brainwashing religious cult, freedom that is with every day and year passing by becoming stronger and bolder. A freedom to which I will be forever grateful, as I could not possibly imagine my life any different now. Some days I still wake up amazed, wondering how can such a painful past be such a misty haze, how I was always supposed to be who I am now, and how liberated I feel. I wish the same glory to those who are still stuck in it, blind to the harms and destructions they are subjugating themselves too. I wish them the strength to enquire, with inquisitive minds, what they are taught. I also wish annihilation to those who purposefully are controlling their minds, and taking advantage of natural human feeling such a yearn for belonging and community. A wishful hope that I might one day see happening.
Now I am here, slightly still jet-lagged, but so content that my heart could burst into millions of fireworks. I am calm, serene and extremely satisfied. Like a heavy stone in the middle of a fresh body of water.