CHAPTER II - Heartbeat.
Gently and softly your hands move on my skin. I try to shut away those voices, I want to be here, with you. Closing my eyes, letting the darkness seeping in while falling into your embrace, your skin feels like fresh water from the depth of a well.
Hiding my breathes behind yours, I try to give you as much space as I can; it’s hard to let go when you have spent all your life protecting your heart. Silence broken only by the crispness of the sheets.
Your lips leave my neck and I can sense that your eyes are light up with a smile.
You ask me where have I been all your life.
“Helping dragons claiming back their lands from nasty princes and trapped princesses”. Thunder is your laugh, that breaks through that hazy cosiness of mine.
I turn around and hunt for those hazel eyes, it takes me a while to get used to the darkness but then I can see them, beaming flashlights in the dark.
“Why not! Why do we always either be a prince or a princess? Why can’t we just be the goddamn dragon and eat them both?”
Like a river you laugh, and with trace that rare smile on my face.
I let my muscles relax, closer than ever you kiss me, lips tender as vanilla blossoms.
You slip away, like an afterthought, like a dream at sunrise together with the signs of your presence gone, with the wind perhaps, like the movie.
I feel angry, that burning anger that fills your stomach until you are sick, that makes your eyelid twitch. I slam my hand on the bed, in a stupid attempt to let go of the frustration of not having you next to me.
Was it real? Were you here? My reality has been torn and I never learnt to sew.
A full year has passed by, and yet here I am, sitting on my bed in the dark crying my eyes out for someone that is nothing more than a ghost hunting me. I get angry, why couldn’t you just leave me? Why can I not move on? How can a heart heal back to its own tune when the beat has been forgotten?
Tomorrow is Monday and another week will start, and I will find myself here, again, next Sunday asking the same questions. Stuck in the loop of your absence.
-I need to do something about this- I let my head fall back onto the cushions, while like a mantra I keep repeating it to myself. Like a silent chanting I fall into the darkness again, this time alone, in a cold winter night.