” My gran could do better… …And she is DEAD. ” Gordon Ramsay
***DISCLAIMER: PLEASE NOTE THIS POST MAY CONTAIN CONSTANT SWEARING INSPIRE BY MY OWN AND FRIENDS STORIES***
In the last year, I went through so much shit, that you folks can’t even imagine, but I’m still here, and guess why? Cause I am a f***ing warrior. And as any warrior, we can recognise when we see a loser from miles, what they don’t see its that we give them a chance to prove they are not just a giant dump and that could be their only chance in a life time to do something right. So we give them a little sword, and tell them to fight the monster, and what they do? They run for their mothers. How many times, my fellow readers, did you have to face people like that? How many times did we have to step up, pick up the shit they left around? How many times did we have to take the rubbish out, when they can’t even find a pair of socks, or open a goddamn condom? Suggestion to all my fellow warriors, let’s cut the crap out of our lives. We are the best thing anyone could ever have in their life, and if they can’t see it, well they better know how to walk cause they ain’t gonna get any ride? So, your girlfriend/boyfriend doesn’t text you back but can’t wait a goddamn minute to pause that hideous videogame? Well, why don’t you cut his/her console power cable? Blaming the spirits. Your girlfriend/boyfriend say you are too intense? Give her/him laxative, and then tell them that they intensely stuck the toilet, must have been full of dump in that body! We are warriors, not on this planet to follow the nonsense hours of meaningless chats and promises. We do sacrifices, we love hard, we do good, but if you mess with us, well… get ready to burn. And all these love songs? Oh please, PLEASE. We are better than that. To all my fellow warriors, stand up beautiful and fight your fight, they are never worth a second chance.
A meaningless kiss isn’t worthy of any painting, not even a Rothko.
You want to be fearless? Stop hunting for idiots, and start haunting them.
You want to be strong? Lift up double.
You wanna be ready? Start leaving out of a suitcase, and cut all these useless strings, and stop wishing all the best to everyone. They deserve the worst, and not telling them is the nicest thing you can do, but don’t lie, don’t be such a fancy nice dollypop. You are over her/him? Then, GET OVER IT, being nice won’t give you any extra points.
Once upon a time there was a princess, waiting for a prince to save her. The princess waiting for the prince died of starvation, SHE F***KING DIED OF STARVATION. So instead go and be friend with that dragon and start ruling the world, burning one village at the time. Everyone lived happy ever after, apart from the prince who went back to his hobbits parents crying, and those idiots you had to burn down.
With lots of love 💙, Andy