“Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first.” -Ernestine Ulmer
If I know about something, it’s totally repression, even if I guess is something that we all have to deal with, but it doesn’t have to be confused with respect.
Repression: (rɪˈprɛʃən/Submit) noun
the action of subduing someone or something by force. “students sparked off events that ended in brutal repression” synonyms: suppression, quelling, quashing, subduing, crushing, squashing, stamping out; More
the restraint, prevention, or inhibition of a feeling, quality, etc. “the repression of anger can be positively harmful” synonyms: restraint, restraining, holding back, keeping back, biting back, suppression,
keeping in check, control, keeping under control, stifling, smothering, bottling up; More the action or process of suppressing a thought or desire in oneself so that it remains unconscious.
I repressed my whole being for nearly 20 years, and it’s not just about sexuality, it’s about being who I am, with my freedom of expression. I’ve done it consciously, somehow even willingly (yeah, being into a cult does mess up with you brain a bit); but now I’m free to be who I am, truly am, and I have the freedom of being free -if this makes sense- and I am so grateful for that. My ex family didn’t really approve, but rather I got compared to a pedophile, a murderer or other nasty things, while at the same time they tried to sweet-coat everything with love, as all the other people that left me behind did. They repeat themselves that they love me, but don’t approve my choices, and they build a wall made of ignorance and judgement. This explains rather clearly my vision on it:
I don’t feel anger, or resentment, I am just sad that these people don’t have the strength to accept their own feeling but obey to a duty. I would rather hear them saying: “I can’t love you the way you are” rather than, “I love only part of you, if you want me to love the rest, well you need to change (repress)”. So I decided that enough is enough, and I made them face their own decision, instead of politically correct swallow their misplaced poisoned love. The answer? A capital-letter: “YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF” written as reply. I will never be ashamed of my self, I am a strong willed, independent man, that took his life in his hands and decided to not be subdued to bullies anymore, all with grace, calm and kindness; I stood up for my self, when no one did, and I will never betray the smile I see everyday back in the mirror. I know who I am, I try to be a good person, and fight for my survival, my life and at the same time help others on the way. So yes, I am not ashamed to say to you: “I’m afraid, if you don’t like me the way I am, I rather have you spending your energy elsewhere.” exfamily, exfriends or anyone else.
In 77 countries, it is still illegal being you. Those who belong to the LGBTA+ community get ridiculed, abused, jailed and often killed. I am tired of passively accepting all of that, we don’t deserve it. How would you feel if tomorrow, you as a blond haired person, or red, or tall, or left handed would suddenly be illegal? Or someone telling you… you know Andy, I love you but I can’t be with you or have you as an active presence in my life unless you dye your hair back to blue, or unless you stop being so tall, or unless you learn how to use your right hand. Isn’t this repression? Aren’t we tired of this? Haven’t we learnt, that boxing and judging PERSONAL choices doesn’t bring anything good? Why would you also be so much bother by what I do, who I am, if I do my best to respect your freedom, respect your space? Would you cut anyone out of your life just because he/she doesn’t eat pizza? (Maybe I would hahah)
Who are we in a place to judge? But we do it, and at the moment 100 gay men are arrested in Chechnya. (Read it here). I’m tired of being powerless, of being subdued, controlled, restraint. I have faith in humans, we have proved countless of times what greatness we can achieve, how magnificent and perfect we can be. Read it here! Let’s all rise, let’s all face up our foes, right into the eyes, and as P!nk sad:
“Have you ever looked fear in the face and said I just don’t care?”
We have a duty in this world to fight against injustice and try to make it a better place. It doesn’t take much, we can do it from our thumb (by sharing, tagging, liking, re-posting) for those who aren’t able to do it other way, or go down in the street and peacefully protest the oppression, we can do it with arts and creativity empowering other people to think and process and embrace. I don’t fight only for me, I fight for whole of those ones who have fought before us. Let’s not hide behind our finger, if we want a world without fears, we better work on it, while in the mean time let’s eat some dessert.
With love 💙, Andy