Four months have passed since my last blog entry and my goodness they have been full of intensity and emotionally charged!
I am currently sitting at the library with probably a few privy eyes reading what I am writing, but it will be public anyways so #whocares.
I've been coming here regularly trying to tackle my tendency towards procrastination and a short attention span.
I guess the idea of getting specifically somewhere to do something helps! (To not talk about the pretty nerds that hang around!)
As you might know, I am a very impatient person and I tend to focus on how much time I am wasting, or things I am not doing; so even if it's only April, my head registers September. Sure, on one side I get shit done and work hard on my goals, but it also puts me in dangerous situations; emotional statuses were I feel I am not doing enough, or I am not getting results quick enough.
This is a drain, so if you are doing it too, I do suggest you to start working on it with me, together.
Why? Well, unless you are able to live in a hurricane and come out unshredded, well, well then you have to relax. LOL. (Just hearing it I'm like: No one actually believes you are doing it).
I am saying this, because I've recently been in an emotional jumble rumble jungle mess with someone and I could have been handling it way better from the start if I would have been prepared for it. (I blame #excult lack of social awareness! Ha!)
I am actually still going through it, to be fair, but at this point in time we managed to agree on some terms that will benefit both of us in the long run, even if at the present state of thing, burns.
How Florence the Machine rightfully said it in "Hunger": But Jesus Christ it hurts!
It does actually hurt, being in a position where most of the boxes were ticked and yet still difficult on so many different levels that makes the "relationship" happen at the wrong time / place.
I have watched countless #YouTube videos on how to deal with this and they all say the right stuff, but actually putting them in practice is kinda difficult. BUT I'M TRYING OK? I'M TRYING, K, BYE.
I can say that I am stunned like after a loud sound and left wondering: "WTF just happened?", excluding this emotional merry go round, I am satisfied, powerful and proud of what I have achieved with the few months I have been here.
Dis-connected was a hoot, had a great audience coming through (and even if I had a review that clearly missed the whole point of the flipping show) I had people thanking me after, and opening up to me with their own experiences. So, yes, for an artist find a place of healing and connection with the audience is something that I appreciate far more than silly reviews. The ultimate prize is just that: moving those who come around.
I have been also working on a few new projects which I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT!
First of all is Hypnagogia a wonderful collaboration with a local sound artist exploring the darkness within us into this world of in-between. (Which it will be performed on the 3rd and 4th of May!)
At the same time, two new projects have been added into research and one of them is going to be performed (testing waters) at Confest 2019 for which I actually got funded! The piece it's called the TEMPLE and explores worshipping and belief, partly as a mock on religions, partly as a way to test the audience in how far they are willing to go to embrace the idea of the divine. The other is Bathing Chronicles, which I'm applying with to lots of different international residencies hoping to get something!
Dis-connected is also coming back at the end of May, opening on the same day of IDAHO (International Day Against Homophobia) which I have the privilege to give a speech at. I am so excited about it, CAN'T WAIT.
I have been active, I have been doing stuff, I have been walking roads which my head sometimes doubted; I have loved and I have felt pain for that love, I did overcome feelings of desperation and euphoria. I did also learn a big deal about myself, how my past actually still haunts me hiding beneath the skin, but I know its there and quite frankly I'm ok with it.
If there's one thing I know I am, is honest and brave. I am not scared of loving truly, open heart, fully, even if sometimes that means being hurt with the same intensity. I am not scared of saying that I'm not ok, and I am not scared of life's pain.
Life is what you make of it and I want to make the best colourful, intricate and adventurous journey I can. So that if I die tomorrow, I know I didn't hold back.
I am not going to grammar check this, so if there's mistakes take them as an added bonus and side taste.
With lots of love,